


I'm Sorry

by chantalis



Series: Matt Casey x Reader [1]
Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago Med
Genre: Child Neglect, F/M, Minor Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27241267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chantalis/pseuds/chantalis
Summary: You return to Chicago and are stuck apologizing for your father and brother... Again.
Relationships: Erin Lindsay & Hank Voight & Justin Voight, Erin Lindsay & Reader, Matt Casey/Reader, Will Halstead & Reader
Series: Matt Casey x Reader [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988977
Kudos: 8





	1. 1

It was your first day at Gaffney medical centre as part of the diagnostic medical team. And you honestly didn’t know if you should be excited or not. Considering my last name might not be welcome here. It’s no secret that your father, Hank Voight, was and still is, a dirty cop. He’s made friends but he’s also made enemies. “Dr. Voight?”

“Yes?” There was a tall blonde man in a Chicago Fire Department uniform. He let out a dark chuckle. “So the rumour’s true. They actually hired you.” You felt your stomach turn to lead. This. This was one of the many reasons you ran as fucking far and fast from Chicago the second you could. You straightened your shoulders, and use your sergeant's voice. “Yes, they did. They looked at my degrees, certification, research, contributions to various charities and medical journals, along with the fact that I’m the best doctor in my field in the western hemisphere, and decided to hire me.” Whoever this guy was, clearly did not hold a high opinion of either your father, brother, or both, and you couldn’t blame him. But the Fire Department and the hospital worked closely together, so you needed to make sure you’re here because you worked your ass off. He looked taken aback by your response, his blue eyes an open book, widening in shock. “So, which one messed with you? My father or my brother?”

“Uh- both.” He nodded, still shocked. Now it was your turn to be shocked. “What? My father and brother did something together?! Have I stepped into an alternate universe or something?”

“I’m Matt Casey,” he was looking at me in bewilderment and curiosity, “would you like to get a drink with me, by any chance? I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Later, after both your shifts were over, you met up at Molly’s. “So, uh, what exactly did my father and brother do to you?” In all honesty, you were well aware that what this man was about to say would be horrifying. You knew your father and brother, knew what they were like, at home, and at work. 

When you were fourteen years old, your mother said she hadn’t been feeling well, and it got serious enough to go to the doctor. Two days later, she and your dad sat you, Erin, and Justin down and told you that she had been diagnosed with cancer, and her doctor said it didn’t look good. You- your mom’s little bookworm- did some probing and found out it was ovarian cancer. After that, you spent every spare moment either with your mom or researching ovarian cancer. The six months in between her diagnosis and death were difficult, to say the least. With medical bills piling up and no way to pay all of them on a detective’s salary, your dad did something that horrified you. He turned, started taking bribes, getting involved with gangs, and other organized crime groups. Even after your brother got involved, and you learned all the spots in the house where you hid both of their illegal items (guns, money, papers, and drugs), you and Erin, who was still recovering from her addictions and troublesome childhood, let it slide because they were paying your mom’s hospital bills and you both loved her so much. It was during a family trip to Disney World, at your mother’s request, that you began to suspect your mom wasn’t getting better and that if she died, they wouldn’t stop their... ‘activities’.

Erin was someone you had come to love and cherish. Your dad used to bring home troubled kids he met while working all the time. Usually, it would only be temporary. They were waiting for a loving relative to get custody, to live somewhere drug-free for a while. They were usually carbon copies of Justin. This was your dad’s not-so-subtle way of telling him he needed to “shape up”. Justin was always causing trouble, thus always being on the front burner, while you were always on the back burner. Your mom did everything she could to make time for you, while your dad didn’t, you gardened, cooked, sang, played music, painted and embroidered together. As you grew older, Justin caused more and more trouble, your dad spending less and less time with you. To the point where he barely knew anything about you, was completely unaware of what was going on in your life and forgot when your birthday was. Twice. This was all hard enough to deal with, believing that you weren’t enough, that there was something wrong with you, and feeling as though he’d abandoned you even though you saw him every day. All of that intensified when he brought Erin home. When they walked through the front door, and your dad stated who she was and that she was going to be staying for the foreseeable future, all of the air was brutally ripped from your lungs. A numbness settled over you when your dad told you that she needed to feel comfortable, so she was going to sleep in your room, on your bed, while you would be in a sleeping bag on the floor of Justin’s room. You nodded, trying to hold back tears, trying to be a good daughter and person, but you felt your heartbreaking. It only got worse from there.

Two months later, your mom died. The day she died was traumatic for you, for expected and unexpected reasons. You didn’t like to think about either. Things at home got worse, as you expected, your dad and Justin didn’t stop. Erin was still sleeping in what was formerly your room, and your dad was all for helping Justin and Erin grieve, but not you. No, you were spoken to only when necessary, and when he did speak to you, he was on the verge of tears. You looked a lot like your mom so it was expected in a way. He didn’t pay much attention to you before she died, why would he start after? Four months after your mom’s death, it was your birthday. There was no cake, presents, party or “happy birthday” from anyone. Three days after that, it was Erin’s birthday. Your dad took the day off, said he wasn’t feeling well when really, he was busy setting up a birthday party for Erin. When you got home after your self-defence class, your dad, Justin, Erin and a multitude of family friends were there. There was a store-bought cake on the dining room table, a pile of presents near the empty fireplace, and birthday hats on everyone. Your stomach twisted into itself as a feeling of utter dread consumed you. No. This can’t be happening. I was fine not celebrating my birthday this year because mom’s gone, but... It wasn’t even an option to celebrate it... Why are they all doing this for Erin and not me? When your dad noticed you his smiled dropped. “Oh, hey kid... Thought you were going to be gone longer... Erin’s going to open her presents in a minute. Did you get her one?” Your dread turned to unbridled fury. You wanted to throw the cake on the wall, take a knife and stab her presents, scream at your dad, yell every swear word you weren’t supposed to know, in every language he didn’t know you knew, because they spend all their time breaking the law are cuddling up to Erin “Okay, everyone, time for the birthday girl to open her presents!” Justin yelled, pushing a laughing Erin in front of him. Your dad turned away from you and cheered along with the fifty other people who came to celebrate Erin’s birthday but not yours. Screw this. Screw them. You made your way upstairs, unseen by everyone except for Erin. Walked into Justin’s and then “Erin’s” room to pack your stuff into your mom’s old suitcase. Clothes, toiletries, a book your mom gave you, and a photo album. You found the small shoebox in the back of your closet, which you had been putting all of the money you’d earned over the years into. Dog walking, pet sitting, selling items you made at festivals, and playing the viola all around the city. I’m outta here. After boldly walking out of the place you used to call home with only Erin’s eyes on you, you were walking to the bus station when you came across two men in their twenties wearing Georgetown University hoodies loading up a car. “Hey, are you two going to D.C.?”

“Yeah... Why?”

“Can you take me with you?” They looked at each other. “Um... Are you ok?”

“I can give you two hundred bucks. Can you take me or not?” They shared another look. “Alright... I guess. I’m Will and this is Marcus. Is that all your stuff?” You rode with them the eleven hours it took to drive to D.C. and when you got there, they seemed worried, wondering if they had done something stupid. “Here’s your money, you can drop me off here, thanks for the ride.”

“Do you have someone you’re visiting? I’d much rather drop you off with them. I mean you’re just a kid, you can’t be wandering around in a different city after people who don’t know you drove you there. Man, this was a bad idea. Should not have done this.”

“My grandparents live here, they’re who I’m here to see. I’ll give you their address.” You try to smile in a reassuring way because Will looks like he’s going to puke, and Marcus looks paranoid, jumping every time something even resembling a cop car goes by. They calm down a bit on the drive to your grandparents’ house. “I’m going to walk you to the door and meet your grandparents,” Will stated, leaving no room for argument. When you knocked, your Abuelo answered the door. “Y/N? What are you doing here and who is this man?”

“My name’s Will Halstead, your granddaughter asked to be dropped off here, I just walked her to the door to make sure everything was ok.” Your Abuelo did NOT look happy. “Hank never said anything about you coming.”

“We need to talk about this inside Abuelo.” He nodded, stepped aside and motioned for you to enter. “Uh, here’s my contact information, in case you need to call me or something,” Will said, trying to hand a piece of paper to you, but your Abuelo took it from his hands before you could. “Thank you, Will.”

“No problem kid.”

Once inside your Abuelo and Babushka (grandmother in Russian) sat you down in the living room and waited for an explanation. You told them the whole truth, nothing about the illegal stuff, just that you were feeling neglected, unsupported, and betrayed the whole birthday thing. You also didn’t mention that it’d been going on for years. “Can I please stay with you?”

“Of course you can Kotik, just let me call Hank to tell him that you’re-”

“No, I’ll call Hank. I understand that he misses Camille, I do too, she was my only daughter after all, but it is not ok for him to be treating you this way, mi cielto. I need to have some words with him.”

The next two years were wonderful. You don’t know what was said on that phone call, but you didn’t have to see, speak to, or go back to your father. You got to live with your grandparents, see your uncles, aunts, and cousins regularly, and be praised for being talented and intelligent. It was a breath of fresh air, but your life’s experiences had taught you that something bad was going to happen. You can’t be happy for long periods of time. The rug was going to be pulled one way or another, and you were trying to brace yourself for it. Then it happened, two white-supremacists burst into your Abuelo and Babushka’s store and killed almost everyone. Your grandparents were included in the death toll. You were there when it happened and couldn’t help but feel like you were the reason they died. You couldn’t even help them, keep them alive until the paramedics came. Their memorial was the first time you saw your father, brother, and Erin in over two years. Your father and brother were avoiding their angry relatives, all wondering what happened that made you go and live with your grandparents. Erin approached you with a bottle of water, she handed it to you and sat down next to you, not saying anything. When it was all over, your father walked up to you. “Y/N? It’s time to go. You’re coming back with us.” He wasn’t even looking you in the eye as he said it. “Hank, are you sure we can’t stay a couple more days?”

He sighed “Erin I don’t think-” He was cut off by Erin’s glare. “Alright, two more days. After he walked away, Erin spoke up. “I saw what was happening, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I saw you leave, too. I didn’t know what to do then, either. But I know what to do now. If anyone- including Hank and Justin- aren’t treating you right, let me know, I’ll set them straight. We girls need to stick together, plus, I’ve always wanted a sister and I didn’t do a good job when we first met, so now it’s time to correct that... If you’re ok with that.”

For the first time since the shooting, you smiled.

“Y/N? Y/N?”

“Huh, what?”

“Sorry, but are you alright? You kinds spaced out on me.”

“Oh sorry, I’m fine, just took a trip down memory lane.”

“Was it a pleasant trip?”

“Not particularly. So, what did they do to you...” You gestured for him to introduce himself since you still didn’t know his name. “I’m Matt Casey, when I was reporting to a car accident, I discovered that your brother was drunk and had paralyzed a kid from the waist down”

You gasped and your eyes went wide. You were expecting bad, but not something that bad. “I reported it, but your dad-”

“Father. He’s not my dad. Dad’s care about their only biological daughter.”

“Oh, ok. Well, your father didn’t appreciate my honesty. First, he tried to bribe me into falsifying my report, then he started threatening me and my now dead fiancee. He went as far as having someone break into our house, plant drugs, and getting a search warrant.”

“Dios Mio, that’s just terrible. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, and it has been a few years. I just, we went through all this work to get him arrested, but then he got out a couple of months later as a Sergeant, in charge of the intelligence unit. I know that it’s been years, but I’m still a little angry about the whole thing.”

“I’m angry at him, too, so you’re not alone in that.”

“Yeah, about that, you seem to have some father-daughter related anger, anything I should know?”

“No, sorry. I get that you’re probably curious, but I just met you. And I don’t even tell Erin all of that stuff, and she’s basically my sister.”

“Alright, fair enough. Well, I’m sorry for giving you trouble earlier. Maybe I could-”

“Hey, guys!” Will exclaimed, overly cheery. His smile was bright, but his eyes were dark and furious. “What are you talking about?”

“Hi, Will. This is-”

“Oh, we’ve met. Lieutenant Matt Casey. Impressive.”

“Thanks... I think...” Matt was starting to get twitchy.

“Will drove me to see my grandparents many years ago, I was pretty young, and he was worried, so we kept in touch. My family basically adopted him whenever he was at university, he’s basically my older brother.”

“Oh, that’s nice to know-”

“Really? Why? Is it cause I’m stopping you from deflowering my little sister?” You choked on your drink. “Deflowering?! First of all, who says that anymore? Second, we’ve been sitting here griping about my father, and third, you know I’m not a virgin, right?”

“What?!”

Matt chuckled and stood up. He handed you a piece of paper, “Here’s my number, let me know if you want to hang out. I’m just going to leave you guys to your... discussion.” You gave an embarrassed smile while Will was gaping like a fish and make strange incoherent noises.

“Hi, Matt? It’s Y/N, I was wondering if you’d like to get some dinner? It’s been a while since I lived in Chicago, a lot of my old favourite places are gone. Give me a call back when you can, since I’m guessing you’re working right now. Bye!”

“Hey, Y/N, it’s Matt. I guess I just missed you, I’ve got a couple of restaurants in mind if you’re free sometime tomorrow maybe? Uh, yeah, call me back when you can please. Bye.”

The ED was in chaos, there’d been a bus crash and over two dozen people had been injured. “Dr. Halstead, Dr. Voight, trauma room three!” Putting on a new set of gloves, you rushed with Will to a gurney that held a teenage girl, who quite honestly looked scared out of her mind. “Hello, miss, I’m Dr. Halstead, can you tell me your name?”

“Izvinite, ya ne govoryu po-angliyski. YA ne znayu, chto proiskhodit. Pozhaluysta, pomogite mne.”(I'm sorry, I don't speak English. I don't know what's happening. Please help me.)

“Uhhhh...-”

“Ne volnuysya, my pozabotimsya o tebe. YA doktor Voyt, vy mozhete skazat' mne, chto sluchilos' ili chto-to bolit?” (Don't worry, we'll take care of you. I'm Dr. Voight, can you tell me what happened or if anything hurts?)

“So, I guess you’ll be taking the lead on this one.” Will chuckled. 

Hours later, with only thirty minutes left in your shift, you took the opportunity to sit down. You leaned your head back and took a breath, letting the events of the past twelve hours hit you with full force. “So you had a rough shift too, huh?” You tiredly opened your eyes and saw an exhausted Matt Casey standing before you. You’re too exhausted to speak so you just nod. “I, uh, I have to head back to the station, for the rest of my shift, but I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me at seven tomorrow?” 

“Yes. I would love that.”

The next day you were trying on various outfits while your sister, Erin, lay on your bed teasing you and occasionally giving her opinion about your outfit. “Erin, cut it out and help me!”

“Ok, ok. Go for the skirt and sweater. It’s elegant and casual enough for a first date but doesn’t look like typical first date attire. So, it’ll be different.”

“Finally, some help from you.” You jokingly sighed out causing her to chuck a pillow at your head. You’re both standing there laughing -you in your bra and underwear, her in jeans and a t-shirt- when the doorbell rang. “Shit! He’s early! Erin, why are you smiling like that, Erin no!” Erin bolted out of your bedroom to answer the door knowing that you wouldn’t follow her in your state of... dress. You opened your door a crack to see Erin greet him. “Lieutenant Casey, please come in. Y/N will be just a few minutes.”

“Alright.” You closed the door and could only hear their muffled voices. You knew what was happening, though. Erin was threatening Matt and drilling fear into the core of his soul. You knew that this would happen when you invited her over to help you get ready, but she did this the first time she met anyone you were dating. You’d learned that it was better to do this as soon as possible, save yourself the emotional trouble of missing someone who’d run away with their tail between their legs. You knew you were right when you entered the living room to see Erin looking stern and Matt a little green. “So, Matt, are you ready to go? You know, presuming my sister didn’t scare you off?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah I am... Wow, you look great.”

“Thanks, you too. So, are you ready to go on a date with Hank Voight’s daughter?”

“No. I’m ecstatic and nervous as hell to go on a date with Y/N Voight, a fiercely intelligent, kind, strong, badass woman who worked herself to the bone to create her distinguished career on her own.” When he finished he was breathless and so were you. People either knew nothing or too much of your father and constantly having his name attached to yours always stung, and you worried that now you were back in Chicago people would assume that everything you had worked so hard for was handed to you by your dirty cop father. The fact that he understood this and acknowledged it made your heart swell. “Awwwwwwww” Erin interrupted your moment with a teasing voice and smile. “Well, now that you’ve both announced that you’re ready to go on a date, you should probably go on that date.”

“Erin’s right, Y/N, let’s head out.”

And you did, to a wonderful first date that led to many more. Eight months later and you had come to the conclusion that dating Matt was equal parts fantastic and stressful. After your twelve-hour shift, in which both Matt and Hermann came to the ED to get checked out after they were punched by the drunk who caused a car accident which caused sickening purple bruises, you just wanted to go to bed. But you couldn’t. Even though Matt was finished with his shift and had tomorrow off with you, something wasn’t sitting well with you. He seemed too calm, too resigned to the fact that he’d been punched in the face. You were suspicious for some reason, which was ridiculous because he’d never given you any reason to be. Your concerned sigh was cut off by Erin’s special ringtone coming out of your phone. 

“Don’t be mad at Matt!”

“What?”

“Don’t be mad at Matt, it’s not his fault! Voight riled him up first. So don’t be mad that he and Voight got into a fight over you, ok?”

“Hold up, hold up, WHAT?! My boyfriend and my father got into a FIGHT?! Where and when did this happen?!”

“At the scene today... You didn’t know? He had to go to Med, where you work because Voight managed to sock him in the jaw, and Hermann got involved...”

“Why did they fight?”

“Y/N I don’t think I should-”

“Why, Erin?”

“Voight found out that you two are dating and he made a comment to Casey about it at the scene. Something along the lines of Matt’s only dating you to get back at Voight for a few years ago. Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Erin. I have to go, and don’t worry I’m not mad at Matt.” After hanging up you left Med, and instead of driving to your apartment building, you drove to your childhood home. Your blood continued to boil and fester throughout the drive, when you were storming up the walkway, and when you banged on the door. You were about to see your father, who you felt neglected by, for the first time in over a decade. You were more than ready for this.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You confront your dad.

“You have to know why I’m here.”

“To tell me you’ve realized your mistake and broken up with that firefighter.” I let out a bitter laugh. “Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. You haven’t changed. At all! That stint in prison did nothing!”

“Y/N-”

“No. It is my turn to talk.” Your voice was cold and violent. “I hate myself and it is your fault. I felt abandoned by you and I saw you every day. Nothing I did was ever good enough, first, you put all your energy into Justin, and then Erin. I was the best student in my grade for seven years straight, was that important to you? No. Did it catch your attention? No. I thought there was something wrong with me for my entire life. I broke my own soul trying to impress you. I put myself through hell to try and earn your pride. Late study nights starting years before they should have, I spent so much time with Mami trying to imitate her because you loved her so much and I wanted some of that affection to be directed towards me. When she died, I lost the only parent I’d ever had, because you didn’t do jack. The only thing that you contributed to the person I’ve become is making sure that I know that I am worthless. That I am nothing. That I do not deserve love. That the world would be better off without me. That I deserve the excruciating pain that you embroidered into my spirit. When I was 18, I joined the academy. Did you know that? Wait, why am I even bothering asking? Of course, you didn’t, when has my life been of any interest to you? I graduated at the top of my class, I broke three records. There were precinct captains fighting over where I’d be assigned. I got assigned to the 17th district. I was asked to take the detective’s exam after six months. I would’ve been the youngest detective in the CPD. But it was during the meeting after I passed the exam when my captain was telling me how intelligent and adaptable I was, how he was so proud of me, and said that I reminded him of you. I felt like throwing up. All that I could remember were the nights gang leaders would meet in our dining room to “talk business” with you. I remember all the guns, drugs, and money that was stashed in various places around the house. Yeah, that’s right, I knew. I just let it slide when Mami was dying. I remembered when you were taking Justin and I home from school and you pulled over to kill someone. I don’t know who they were, but I don’t care that wasn’t nor will it ever be, okay. The fact that I reminded my captain and so many others in the CPD of you made me realize that I needed to get the hell out of there before I became you. I quit on the spot. I left the force that day and never looked back. I joined the military the day after I legally changed my last name, became a medic. I decided to become a doctor to help people, and I didn’t have the money to pay for med school, so the military seemed like the best way to do it. When I was honourably discharged, with numerous awards under my belt, I was a sergeant. But still, I’m not proud of my accomplishments, I should be, but I’m not. No, I’m just standing around waiting for the shoe to drop, for everyone around me, including Matt, to realize that I am nothing but the scum on the bottom of their shoes and that I do not deserve anything even remotely simulating happiness. And that is all thanks to you. I love Matt, so much, and I want a future with him so badly, but because of you, all I’m doing is waiting for him to leave. You were a terrible father, and I blame myself for it. I blame myself for all the illegal shit you did, for Mami’s death, for Justin’s alcohol and drug problems, for Erin being brought in as my replacement...” Tears had started streaming down your face when you started your rant, but now, when you’d finally voiced out loud your thoughts, you couldn’t hold back your sobs. “I’m sorry.” It was all you could choke out before turning and sprinting to your car.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you made it back to your apartment you were worn out. You just wanted to curl up in your bed let the remainder of your tears free. You’d passed the last stair and were met with the sight of Matt at your door. You could feel the dam you’d managed to patch up in the car threatening to burst again at the sight of him. You sniffled and he turned around at the sound. “Y/N? Are you okay?” It only took a couple of determined strides for him to reach you and put his hands delicately on each side of your face. All that you could think about were your own words, and this time you couldn’t ignore them, bury them deep in the recesses of your mind and hope they never resurface. “What happened? Your shift ended an hour ago, where were you?”

“I-I was w-i-ith my fa-ther... and we- I just- It’s over Matt. I-I’m sor-ry.”

“What? No, Y/N, no. Did your father say something? Did he do something? Did I do something? Y/N, please, don’t do this. Talk to me, what’s going on?”

“It’s over, you didn’t do a-anything wro-ng. I pr-promise. You were ama-zing.” You kissed him on the cheek, your face having officially become Niagara falls, and ran to your door. You managed to unlock it, get inside, and lock it before Matt could process what was happening. He started banging on your door, calling your name, begging you to open your door, to listen, to talk. You slide down to the floor and let all your tears free, your sobs drowning out Matt’s desperate pleas.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why did you break up with Matt?” You woke up on the floor, still in your clothes from yesterday with dried up tears on your face. You got up and decided that a shower and some food would make you feel better, in that order. When you were almost finished eating you were interrupted by Erin calling your phone. “Sorry Erin, I’m still waking up, what’s going on?”

“Y/N are you okay? It’s noon, you’re always up at six.”

“It’s what?!” You checked the time and, surely enough, it was noon, give or take a few minutes. “Um, okay, last night was rough, it must’ve messed up my sleep cycle, hell I slept on the floor... Now, what’s going on? How do you know that I broke up with Matt?”

“You slept on the floor? What? I- you know what? We’ll discuss that later. Anyway, Matt is here, at the 21st, yelling at Voight in his office for making you break up with him. So, did he?”

“No, he didn’t. He clearly still wanted me to, but I didn’t break up with Matt because he told me to.” Your voice went quiet, remembering last night clearly, unfortunately.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” Your voice was still quiet, hurt. “I think you should come down here.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in ten.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you walked up to the desk in the 21st. You started to address the woman who’s nametag said Platt “Hi, I’m here to-”

“Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Yes.”

“Go on up.” You heard a buzzing sound and made your way to the door, not at all ready for what you were about to walk into.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“FOR THE LAST TIME, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?!”

“I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!”

“HONESTLY VOIGHT DO YOU EXPECT-”

“He’s telling the truth, Matt.” Everyone turned to you. “Y/N” He choked out, blue eyes pleading and sad. “Matt, let’s do this somewhere else.”

“No. Y/N, what’s going on?”

“I’m not good enough for you, okay? I shouldn’t have let our relationship drag out this long, it was selfish of me.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about? You are more than good enough for me, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t you. So please, talk to me, how on earth did you come to that conclusion?”

“It’s just something I’ve always known.”

“No, it’s not.” Your father butted into the conversation. “It’s my fault that she thinks like that, that she believes that about herself. I was a terrible father and Y/N’s paying the price. Y/N, you deserve happiness. You... are better than me at everything, but you don’t have the self-confidence to go along with your achievements and that is my fault. You are an amazing, intelligent young woman and I’m the one who failed, Y/N, not you. My biggest regret is the way I treated you and that I chose not to be a part of your life and accomplishments. I’m really proud of you.”

“Do you really mean it? You can’t joke about something like this, dad.”

“With all of my heart.”

“Y/N, I shouldn’t have interfered with your relationship. You clearly love Lieutenant Casey and he clearly loves you. I was wrong, there’s no excuse for my behaviour. I’m sorry.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat across from Matt in the Mills family diner. You were pushing your food around on your plate, the weight of his stare making you nervous to look up. Neither of you had spoken since you agreed to leave the 21st together, you decided to be the one to break the ice. “I’m in love with you and I’ve never faced anything more terrifying in my life.” You heard Matt splutter, spitting his coffee back into his mug. “I’ve never felt like I’ve been worth much and I just, I love you so much, and after the confrontation, I had with my father I just realized that I couldn’t wait around for you to leave me.”

“You mean more to me than anyone else has, the past twelve hours have been absolute hell without you. I’m in love with you too. I have to admit, though, what you think of yourself really concerns me. I still love you like crazy, but I think you need some professional help.”

“How could you still love me knowing that I’m a basket case?”

“You’re not a basket case, everyone has their own issues, I guess the difference with mine is that you already knew about them and that I’ve been going to therapy.”

“I’ll... talk to Dr. Charles tomorrow morning.” Matt sighed in relief and the tension washed out of his eyes and shoulders. He reached his hand across the table and held yours tenderly. “I love you so much Y/N.”


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Matt get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I suck at summaries. Still, I hope you enjoyed this fic!

“We’ve made wonderful progress, Y/N, so I’ll see you next month?”

“No, I’ll be busy with my wedding and then Matt and I will be on our honeymoon, so our next appointment will either be when I get back or in a couple of weeks from now.”

“Oh, right... Do you think you’ll be okay waiting?”

“I’d rather see you in a couple of weeks just because I’ll be more stressed out than usual.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll see you in two weeks.” Leaving Dr. Charles’ office you took a breath and smiled. It had been three years since you broke up and got back together with Matt and you were both incredibly happy. You started therapy with Dr. Charles and was soon prescribed anti-depressants. You’d been doing well for those three years, not initially, it had been something to work at and there had been setbacks, but you were finally in a place where you smiled more than you frowned.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your white dress flowed to the floor and Natalie stood behind you with the box holding the veil. The veil belonged to your great-great-grandmother and has been passed down for generations. Made of ornate hand-woven lace, it is easily the thing you’d been most excited about in terms of planning the wedding. It had also drug up awkward conversations with your brother and father.

You didn’t want to invite either of your remaining relatives to attend your wedding due to all the horrible history between the three of you. However, the veil was at your childhood home, which your dad had taken back when he got out of prison. You hadn’t been living there anyway, you’d locked anything important in the attic and rented it out. You hadn’t been able to live there again. The box with the veil was one of the things placed in the attic.

FLASHBACK

When you’d gone to retrieve it, you’d met your first obstacle at the door: your father. He’d been shocked that you were standing on the doorstep without fire in your eyes. He’d thought that you wanted to talk to him, to make amends. His face fell when you revealed your true reason for coming. He signed but let you in and helped you look for it.

This was when you met your second obstacle: your brother. Apparently, he had also made a stop at the house when he’d gotten out to pick up some things. And by pick up some things, he’d meant that he rummaged through the attic for things to sell. Including the veil. You’d burst into frustrated tears when you found out. You didn’t have a lot to remember your mother. You had a couple of photo albums and that veil. The only reason you didn’t take it when you helped the renters move out, was because your father showed up before you could. He’d made you so uncomfortable that you had to get as far away from him as possible as quickly as possible. 

You still weren’t quite sure how it got to this point, but your father was driving you to your brother’s apartment. You weren’t used to being weak in front of people, especially your father. You cried the whole way, and you were still sniffling when you entered your estranged brother’s apartment. 

“Dad for the last time fu-”

“This isn’t about either of us right now.”

“Y/N?” Justin looked at you apprehensively. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Do you have mami’s veil?” His eyes widened in understanding. “You’re getting married.”

“Yes, I am. Please tell me you still have it. Please tell me you didn’t sell it.”

“Of course I didn’t sell it. The box is on the top shelf in the hall closet.”

“Why did you take it if you weren’t going to sell it?” You were so confused. Justin scoffed as he retrieved the box. “How else was I going to find out when you get married? I know we’re not close, I know that I was a shit brother... and I know that you don’t want me at your wedding. I just... wanted to be able to congratulate you, I guess. You mean a lot more to me than I let on.” He placed the box in your hands. “I wish you all the happiness in the world, sis. Congrats.” He maneuvered around the box to give you a hug. “I love you, Y/N.”

END FLASHBACK

So, your father and brother were at your wedding. You’d made it clear that they couldn’t sit in thr front rows, that neither of them would walk you down the aisle, and that there would not be a father-daughter dance. You wanted to not loathe them again, but they’d caused too much pain. Too much permanent mental scarring. A hug wasn’t going to fix all that.

Hermann poked his head in the door.“Y/N? It’s time.”

“Just let us put the veil on, Hermann.” Erin carefully took the veil out of the box and clipped it to the back of your head. She and Natalie took a few moments to straighten it out and make sure that it delicately framed you. “Alright,” Nat nodded along with Erin, “you’re ready, here’s your bouquet.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for anything in my life.” You couldn’t stop smiling, and it seemed your happiness was infectious by the way everyone’s faces were suddenly split with a beaming smile.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reception was held in the hall of the botanic gardens, your outdoor wedding had been beautiful, but you were grateful for airconditioning. Your heart was fluttering, warmth was spreading through you as you danced with Matt for the first time as husband and wife. A gentle acoustic melody was playing as you and Matt waltzed around the dance floor, your head in the crook of his neck. “Y/N,” you lifted your head so that your forehead would touch his. “Hmmm?”

“I have never been this happy. Thank you for marrying me.” You moved your lips only a millimetre, that was all it took for your lips to be on his. “I can’t wait to get old and wrinkly with you.” Matt couldn’t help but laugh as the song trickled to an end. “C’mon let’s go sit down.”

You and your husband (damn, you loved referring to Matt as your husband *insert squealy giggle here*) sat down at the long table made up for the wedding party. The two of you, Kelly, Joe, and Brian as groomsmen, Erin, Natalie, and Matt’s sister Christie as bridesmaids. As the first course was served you were congratulated by your friends. “Erin, I’m so glad that you were able to be a part of this.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes with a smile on her face, “you’re my sister! Like I would miss your wedding!”

After eating you and Matt were making your way around the room, thanking everyone for coming when Christie walked up to you. “Can I talk to you guys for a second?” You looked at a shocked Matt and apprehensively nodded. You felt dread pooling in your stomach as you made your way out of the banquet hall to the hallway. Once you closed the doors behind you Christie put her hands on her hips and glared at you. “What is wrong with you?” She then turned to Matt, “how could you allow this?”

“Allow what Christie? What’s going on? And why are you glaring at Y/N? She didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh really? Y/N, why didn’t you take my brother’s last name?”

“Is that what this is about? Christie, it’s not the fifteenth century anymore, women don’t have to change their names when they get married. Plus, as much as I love Matt, he didn’t go to medical school. I did. I earned all my accomplishments as Y/N Y/L/N, and I plan on earning more.”

“Christie, I love you, but this really isn’t a big deal. Plus she’s right, regardless of her accomplishments or education, women don’t have to change their last names. I love her and we’re going to spend our lives together, I don’t need her last name to be Casey to know that.”

“Gabby didn’t take your last name.” She mumbled quietly. She’d lost her strong stance, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at her shoes. “That’s what this is about. Christie, thank you so much for worrying about me, but Y/N isn’t Gabby. We don’t have fights that last for days on end. We actually talk and communicate, we never go to bed angry, we both have therapy regularly, we understand and support each other’s goals in life.”

“We are ready for this Christie. We are ready to be bonded together, to worry about each other, to come home to each other, to support each other, to have a family together. I love Matt with everything I’ve got and I’m not going to let go.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” You both answered. Christie beamed, eyes glistening with happy tears. “Let’s get a drink. I’ll grab wine for all of us.”

“No thanks, Christie. None for me.”

“Oh, come on, it’s your wedding! The only reason you could possibly have for not drinking at your wedding is pregnancy.” She and Matt started chuckling, but when you didn’t answer and looked at Matt with a nervous smile. “Well...”

“Oh my god! Really? You’re pregnant? I’m going to be a dad?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I’m going to be an aunt!” You were all smiling and hugging. “You’re pregnant?” You turned and saw your entire wedding party and half of your guests in the doorway. “Uh... Yeah, I am.” You spent the last hour of your wedding being hugged and congratulated by everyone you love by Matt’s side. And you couldn’t be happier.


End file.
